Chapter 22

THE RIGHT TIME

PAMMIE POV

I watched Sean make coffee from across the room thinking I may have shot myself in the foot. I admitted something I shouldn’t have… especially when I was trying to keep up the charade of being a happily married woman.

If he knew I wasn’t, would I let myself be whisked away to his room?

I found myself fidgeting and more nervous than before because I was unsure about what he was going to tell me.
“Look I did have relations with Samara yesterday. I was upset actually. I know that not much of an excuse. But I have been struggling love…” he said putting my drink down.
“If you’re having sex with a supermodel, you’re not exactly struggling are you?” I said a little rudely. I sipped my hot drink hoping he wouldn’t make up any lies.

“HA! Yeah I guess if you put it that way. But if I’m to really go into it…” He sighed.
“Go on…”
“I figured I would fill my dad’s shoes when I was old and grey and had kids of my own. But … I lost my dad a few months ago. And I…” he said before I interrupted.
“Oh Sean! I’m so sorry…”
“No, no it’s ok. But I guess I get careless and stop giving a shit. I feel empty… and sometimes I fill a void with anything that makes me temporarily happy and deal with guilt later,” he said turning away from me. I wanted to comfort him, but he tried to convince me that he was ok by waving his hand at me. “But this is not how I wanted this interview to go,” he said still with his back turned.

“I want to say I understand, but I’m not you… I’m not sure if this a healthy way to grieve…” Sean shrugged and looked at me for a moment before giving me a dismissing look.

“It’s harder than you think Pammie. But what I mainly want to say is that no matter what people have said … I’m single, and have been for a very long time. I hook up … yes. I’m a bachelor. I won’t apologise for any of it. There’s the truth. I’m sure you can fill in all the other spaces with whatever you like sweetheart.” He finished. He wasn’t crying but he had emotion written all over his face. I just wanted to make him feel better, so I got up out of my seat and held out my arms hoping he would hug me. Sean walked into my embrace but didn’t really put his arms around me.

“I wish I knew you lost him…” I said into his chest. He hummed and I felt it vibrate against my face.
“You know I’m never like this… I’m never this down.”
“Is there anything I can do?” I asked him.
“You can come to dinner with me on Saturday…” he said pulling away from me slightly. I looked up at him and shook my head knowing he was being a little cheeky.
“Is this how you get women to go out with you?” I said sarcastically. He laughed out loud until his laugh became a small chuckle before his eyes locked with mine.

I knew this face, he wasn’t going to kiss me … but he wanted me to kiss him.

I was still in his embrace, and for a ‘married woman’, I shouldn’t be doing this but it was exactly where I wanted to be. I edged my face closer to his and felt his lips breathe against mine,

“I’m back. Le Gavroche is booked the for the weekend boss…” A woman’s voice said confidently. Sean was completely started and let go of me before nodding at her.
“Thank you, uhm Pammie this is Beth. My personal assistant.”
“Nice to meet you Beth…” Beth nodded and smiled politely before reaching over and giving me a brief handshake. A moment later she sat down at the table and placed her bag down.
“Well, um. Look give me a call…” Sean said reaching for his wallet. He pulled out a business card and passed it to me pointing to his personal number. “Maybe call me later or something love…”
“Of course,” I said grabbing my phone and things off the table. Sean saw me out and I felt a little overwhelmed with feelings as I got into the taxi.

What if Beth arrived a minute later? Would he have let me go through with the kiss thinking I was married?