Time To Stay
I cried til my head hurt, I cried so much that my eyes stung and they were hard to keep open. Sean hit me out the way of that car. Stood in front of a car just to make me safe. I questioned his love for me time and time again, and today he proved it ultimately at the cost of losing him. I was pregnant, and he didn’t even know … I couldn’t even bring myself to even feel anything about the pregnancy because the loss was too great to bear. If I didn’t want to run from the idea of commitment, we would have never went that café. He would have never got hit. This was my fault. What would I ever tell the baby? Did this mean I wanted to keep the baby? How would I ever do it on my own? There were too many questions to consider.
Shortly after, my nurse came in with a grim look on her face.
“Look, I have been looking for Sean. The doctor explained that he was at the scene and injured quite substantially. I can’t chase up the other paramedics as yet. But there is no Sean Hyatt in this hospital… I’m sorry.”
“Get me my phone,” I demanded. I had to call Beth. I needed her. I needed her to do the things I couldn’t and she needed to know about Sean. A few moments later the nurse returned with my phone and I frantically dialled her number.
“Oh Victoria. Oh thank god …” Beth cried. “I’ve been calling and calling.”
“Beth…” I said my voice quivering. “They’re telling me that Sean died at the scene…”
“No, no, no… he’s in bad shape but he was taken to a different hospital. He’s in a hospital here in London in surgery. His mother got the call about 20 minutes ago… we don’t know what’s going on…” her voice was shaky and so was mine.
“Is he okay?” I asked concerned but feeling relieved at the same time.
“We haven’t had an update, we don’t know how long he’s been in there… his mother is quite angry because we have no answers. But I will ring you as soon as I know anything…”
“What hospital?” I asked.
“Okay. Okay…” I said. I hung up the phone and flung my feet over the bed. I went to stand and my legs wobbled for a moment. It hurt to weight bare, but I was going. I wasn’t waiting. A few cracked ribs… I didn’t care. I needed to be there with him. I was in a hideous gown, and I made my way to the elevator with my phone without anyone even noticing that I had gone. I went to the main entrance, and there were a pile of taxis out front. I directed one to Sean’s hospital, and used my phone to pay when it arrived.
I barely made it to the entrance of St Thomas hospital before I felt my head spinning. I leaned over a bench in the main foyer when a near by patient came up to me.
“Are you okay miss?” he asked. I couldn’t even answer. My head was spinning crazily and I felt myself fall into his arms.
When I woke up, I searched around wondering what had happened. Out the corner of my eye I saw a doctor.
“Miss Major. We called St Albans hospital, and they reported that you had gone missing with a serious concussion and rib fractures. Why did you leave?” he asked.
“To see Sean Hyatt. I need to be here…” I cried.
“You’re very lucky you didn’t fall and hit your head again…” he said looking disappointed.
“You are generally okay. You probably will only need a 24 hour stay until we make sure your concussion has cleared up. In the meantime no more walking about. At least not unassisted…” I nodded and noticed my phone on my table in front of me. Since I was here, I rang Beth again.
“I’m here at St Thomas. I think I’m in A and E. Any news yet?” I asked.
“I called you about 15 minutes ago. Apparently Sean has a bleed on his brain. That’s why he came here for immediate surgery. They suspect he has broken ribs and a punctured lung. But they won’t know more until he is out. It’s not looking good. He’s been in surgery for a few hours now.”
How long was I out for?
I felt helpless, and I could feel anxiety washing over me again. Just as I felt myself go into a full blown anxiety attack a nurse came in,
“I can’t breathe,” I said panicked. I gasped for air and she passed me a mask and hit the button on the wall for assistance. She swung her stethoscope off her neck and into her ears quickly looking at me.
“It’s okay… it’s okay. You’re just panicking. Take a few deep breaths for me. Long ones. In and out…” she said giving me full eye contact. As another two nurses flooded in the nurse announced, “She’s okay. Her BP is fine. She’s having a panic attack. Can you please get me something to keep Miss Major calm…” I held the mask close and my laboured breathing began to calm down. This was too much. I wasn’t coping. My concussion wasn’t helping either because I constantly felt fuzzy. When she administered me some medication I went right off to sleep.
When I woke, it was still day light… but seemingly dark. I woke up generally clear, but I ached all over. As I woke properly I saw Beth sitting on the end of my bed.
“Good morning sunshine, you’ve possibly had the biggest sleep of your life…” she smirked.
“What time is it?” I asked.
“Well you came here yesterday about 4 or 5. And I’ve been here on and off since about 6 last night. It’s now just gone 7am…” she said looking at her watch.
“Where’s Sean? Is he…” I said scrunching my brow.
“He’s out of surgery. He’s broken though. I can’t bear to look at him. They fixed the bleed. Lost him a few times. But got him back. He’s in intensive care on a ventilator in an induced coma. They are keeping him that way until his head heals. Some of his left side was crushed by the blow. He had a lot of small breaks in other places. But he’s still breathing. Just… They said it’s touch and go… they aren’t sure if he will make it,” Beth said holding back tears. She tried to blink them away, but they fell anyway. I cried with her knowing I wanted to see him regardless.
“Will you take me there?” I asked.
“Yeah. I will go get you a wheelchair…”
“I’m fine to walk. I actually feel a lot better,” I said placing my feet on the ground. “I obviously needed that rest. For my head. I’m clearer today. I promise…” I assured her. My legs ached when I stood but I held onto her for support. “God I’m gonna need some pain meds after this though…”
“You’re so stubborn. Let me get you the damn chair…” Beth said exiting to the hallway. She was kinda right. I was on a mission to go. “Now sit. I can wheel you there way faster than you hobbling down the hallway…”
When I arrived to the ICU the nurse buzzed me in and asked who I was saying only two at a time could go in…
“Sean’s mum is probably in there,” she said.
“I’m not ready to meet any mothers under these circumstances Beth…”
“I’ll tell her to go get some rest and I will stay with him,” Beth said leaving me by the nurse’s station. I was a little curious to see her, but I shied my head away when I saw someone coming from a distant room.
“Okay she’s gone, she’s going to come back tomorrow,” she said. I got to the window of Sean’s room and looked through just sobbing at the very sight of him. I touched the glass keeping my head low just crying.
“Do you still want to go in?” she asked. I nodded and she pushed me close to his bedside. “I will leave you to it. Holler me if you need me okay?” I stood up and took his hand. It was cool but clammy.
“Sean… I’m here. I won’t let go. I’m not running anymore. I promise. Just come back to me,” I cried barely getting through my sentence, “Don’t leave yet. I need you… the baby…” I said as my voice creaked, “The baby and I need you to stay…”
2 thoughts on “Chapter 83”
Ohhh. So heartbreaking. You never know what you have until you lose it. Or in this case it’s almost taken from you. I hope he can hear her…..but likely not. I wonder if she’ll tell Beth about the baby.
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I guess Victoria knows what she’s feeling now at least! And Yay! Beth paves the way to make everything smooth.